three visitors from California

(Mom and Darin with Dad in the back---Grandma Lottie's house.)

My cousin, Darin, came to visit en route to his brother's wedding in St. Louis. Mom's sister and Darin's mother, Janice, made a great meal at Grandma Lottie's house. Mom hugged Darin more in that one visit than she probably had in his whole life! She evidently recognized him and appeared very happy to see him. Lottie (Mom's mother) was doing very well too, particulaly since she's 97! Today, however, she's been admitted to the hospital, so I'm on my way to see how that's going.

Also visiting from California last Wednesday were the Ramey's who are relatives on Dad's side of the family. They have been coming out once/year and Mom and Dad always look foward to it. They brought dinner, too, which was a definite plus. I had planned to go down and visit, too, but after a day of school, "the spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak." In other words, I was lazy and didn't go and now I wish I had.

Mom is doing fine. Her fingers are pretty curled up now and she uses her thumb an forefinger much like pinchers when she eats. She has a lot of trouble with buttons, too. Dad says she's being "beligerant" about swallowing her pills, namely calcium and thyroid stuff. I guess she gave him the old "switch-er-oo" by putting the calcium tablet in her mouth and later he found half of it somewhere and another half somewhere else. Kind of reminds me about Mom saying I used to take food I didn't want to eat and hide it in the potted plants. So---now we know where I got that! I told Dad to ask the pharmacist to put her pills in liquid form, which he didn't know was possible. He said he tried hiding them in applesauce, but she got wise to that real quick and it was "game over." She's definitely ornery and she knows it, and laughs. And of course we just laugh, too. It's such a bizarre trip, this Alzheimer's stuff....wish Mom were "here" to enjoy the craziness with us. She'd probably laugh at herself! (Darin, Eric, Dad, Devri, Patrick, me,Mom, and Grandma Lottie at dinner.)

CB saves the day

CB, otherwise known as my cousin, Carla, (Carla Baby, thus called by Dad,) will be watching Mom four hours/week so Dad can have some time off. Exactly one week after Dad dismissed the Oxford-care lady he announced to me that Mom was making him completely and certifiably crazy. I said, "You don't say.....what a surprise." So, I suggested having Carla come. She will be paid, of course, but will not be as expensive as Oxford. He thought that was a good idea and gave me the go-ahead to ask her to come next Tuesday. She does substitute teach some, but if she gets called away she can always come a different day. Christine has been home a lot more lately after school and on weekends because she has so much homework she can't breathe. (And she takes her schoolwork very seriously.) I had planned to go down to Mom and Dad's this Saturday so she could go out after her homework was done, but she announced her homework wouldn't be done until midnight, so she'd be there. Through the daytime, though, she is attending classes and working, and Dad is left alone. I know that's pretty tough for him.

Dad is keeping very busy working with Tommy White to basically rebuilt the rock house at the VanSlyke place off D highway. He enjoys being with Tommy and they are really making progress. The house needs a complete and total overhaul. Dad made an agreement with Tommy that if he helped him fix the house, he could "rent" it for free for one year following. I had my doubts. Then I saw the house. Now I'm thinking Tommy is worth every bit of that....what a disaster! He's working like a wild-thing. They've had to re-plumb, put in new floor joists and floors, the tub was about to fall through to the crawl space----then there's the plaster and lathe (sp?) walls that need to be removed because of termites----wow! Anyway, it's quite the distraction from Mom, so I guess that's good, but Dad absolutely cannot work and bring Mom with him with the highway right in front of the house. Again, it's going to be great to have Carla down there so Dad and Tommy can do their thing. Thank you, CB!!!

Also, Mary Schroer and Liesel came down over Labor Day. They watched Mom a great deal while Dad and Tommy worked on the house and Liesel made a fantastic and quite nutrious vegetable pizza. That girl can cook! Thanks so much for coming down to help! That's really something when people spend their Labor Day weekend to drive down from Lincoln, NE and Kansas City, to help with Mom!! If I had my rubber stamp from school, I would stamp "Fantastic!" on both their foreheads.

"What a Wonderful World"

Devri's last concert included several local yokels singing a variety of 40's and 40's-type tunes. Had I known it was going to be so "audience participation friendly," I no doubt would have sat in the balcony, but not knowing, we found ourselves on the very vulnerable 2nd row. As singers performed, the audience was "encouraged" to dance in front, so I wasn't too surprised that Devri came trotting down the aisle to hook Grandpa by the arm and drag him onto the floor. Of course, he really tried to resist, but there comes a time when you just have to conform or make a scene, so off they went. I was surprised, however, that following Devri was Patrick who came and took Mom to the floor after them. I think Mom was a little nervous, as she began to scoot closer to Grandpa and Devri. Patrick guided her closer to them and she seemed content. She patted Patrick's shoulder throughout in a "I-know-you-and-you're-such-a-nice-boy" way. And so they danced, while the singer crooned, "What a Wonderful World." And it was kind of sweet in a sad kind of way, but I guess that's the way it's supposed to be...the young caring for the old and someday becoming "the old" themselves. Devri and Grandpa, Patrick and Grandma, all dancing.......what a wonderful world.....

Gutentag!

Yes, we had a hot German time in Freistatt a couple weeks ago. Mom, Dad and I drove up together, and we were able to meet Dad's sister, Ina, from Springfield as well. Erntfest is always something Mom and Dad have enjoyed and they have gone several times, twice when I was a kid, that I remember. Dad enjoyed the meal and mentioned more than once how long it had been since he'd had such good sauerkraut. (I'm not sure that I've ever had good sauerkraut, but to each his own.) We opted for the water rather than the beer, (as if we don't have enough issues to deal with, without the alcohol,) and spent the evening listening to polka music and watching couples dance. Mom enjoyed herself, tapping her feet to the music and clapping now and again. As the evening wore on she wanted to walk around more and more. I have to walk her holding both hands, sometimes, because she wants to touch everybody, whether she knows them or not. We get some funny looks, but it is clear that Mom isn't thinking too clearly and everyone is very kind and understanding. One young lady even took her hand as if she was her dearest friend and said, "Well, hello. How are you?" smiling, looking into her eyes, but not expecting an answer. So convincing was she that I had to ask, "Do you know my Mom or are you just being friendly?" She smiled and said, "Just being friendly." I think that is just so kind. I thought, "She must be a nurse or something." Anyway, it meant a whole lot to me that she did that and Mom loved the happy greeting, nodding and giving her clear eye contact with a big smile. What makes people so nice?

Anyway, Mom and I walked while Dad and Ina had a chance to visit. While we were there, on two separate occasions, young men she had taught in the 5th grade, 15 years ago, recognized her and she recognized them. Each gave her a big hug and the guy in the photo, Scott Perkins, whispered to her, "You mean a whole lot to me, Mrs. McCleary." I bit my lip. He is now 28. I thought of the countless children she has meant so much to and I was proud. It made me want to take my own teaching career and my students more seriously. Sometimes it's hard to get past their orneriness and keep in mind that someday, these kids will be young men and women. I wonder if someone will want to give me a hug someday and say, "You mean a whole lot to me, Mrs. Stebbins." I hope so. I want to make Mom proud back.

The End of Oxford

Well, Dad cancelled the Oxford Care lady's weekly visits. His argument was that it was "too damned much money," (as I said previously,) and he definitely "was doing fine and could handle it himself." However, I think he did get used to the idea of having someone else watch Mom so he could work outside which was, of course, the whole point. So, he is having my cousin, Carla, come in now and then so he can cut brush or whatever. She does a good job with Mom and it doesn't matter to me who helps. I just want someone to give him a break through the week since I can't. He tried Oxford for actually a month before cancelling, which was our agreement. So I just said, "Ok, Dad, but if you go crazy, don't blame me." Heartless person, I am.

I did have fun with him yesterday, (at least it was fun for me.) I can manage his Jitterbug phone account online and was on there getting him a better deal. While I was there, I did a little "switcheroo-ing." I changed the ring he hears from me to chimes, the one from Christine to "music box," and the one from his brother Norman to harp music. I also alphabetized his phone list which was previously in no order whatsoever. Then I gave him a call---actually about five calls, before he finally picked up (I could envision him walking all over looking for the source of the chimes.) He answered with a little bit doubtful voice, "Are you trying to call me?" Then more adamantly, "I don't know what's the matter with this damn phone---it's gone crazy!" haha After I explained the whole idea of being able to manage an account online, (not sure how much of that he understood), he said, "You're messin' with me, aren't you?" I laughed and told him I amuse myself by twisting the minds of the elderly.

I will also report that Dad's walk-in cat, "Mae Belle," delivered a bundle of fuzzy joy in the floorboard of his truck yesterday (Dad called immediately to make the announcement.) I guess that means he can't drive the truck now for at least six weeks.

Guys and Dolls

Big weekend of Guys and Dolls with Devri in one of the two female leading roles----Adelaide. Mom and Dad came with us Saturday night. Mom enjoyed the orchestra and tapped her feet along. She also clapped after the music and of course, we both enjoyed our M&M's during intermission. This was Devri's first "real production" with a real audition and a real review which said, "Miss Adelaide nearly stops the show every time she opens her mouth." I know Mom was proud of her and she was aware of when and where she was on stage. Dad dubbed it her "best performance ever." (Dev decided Mom should try on her veil.)

The Battle of Oxford

Never heard of this battle? Well, it concerns my father vs Oxford Health Care. Our story begins when I began to notice that the caregivers, (Dad and Christine), were both getting pretty cranky. (lightly stated) Evidently the stress was getting to them and I knew it was only going to get worse in just two weeks time when the entire Brock/Stebbins family leaves for Galveston for a week and Dad is alone with Mom. When we return, Christine and I will both begin school, as will Devri, so the visits we have been able to provide through the week this summer will be coming to an end. After getting grudging permission from Dad to "check into" home health care, I found what I thought was a good program. An LPN could come to the house for four hours, twice/week and would help Mom get through her shower and dressed, and also would clean house, do laundry, fix lunch, run errands, take her for walks, and encourage Dad. I knew this would de-stress Christine a little bit when she is away at school/work, and I hoped Dad would be able to leave the house to visit friends, or do chores outside without trying to contain Mom simultaneously. I also hoped he might get a nap in. Mom has started getting up around 3:30-4:00 a.m. and moving to the couch, so Dad has been following her out there and getting very little sleep, no doubt contributing to his irritability. The cost would be $17/hour, which calculates to $68/visit.

So, I introduced the idea to Dad and got an immediate and adamant refusal. He didn't need any help, whatsoever. The reason he brought up, primarily, was that it was too expensive. This is also from the man who refuses to buy lettuce for the same reason. I smirked. I knew that someday we would need some nursing help if we are going to be able to keep Mom at home and it made sense to me to set it up now, rather than wait until everybody has a nervous breakdown.

The final result is that I made Dad mad, but he agreed to have someone come out on Mondays for the next two weeks and then made a decision as to contuing or cancelling. He still thinks it's too expensive and that he doesn't need any help, but he agreed to this concession just to shut me up. The first week I will go and meet the home health aide and the second, she will come while we are on vacation and Dad is there by himeslf. The nurse who sets up the whole program came to the house yesterday to meet Mom and Dad, (and I), assess what the needs were, and fill out paperwork. She was a funny lady who dad enjoyed, which helped, and she talked straight with him saying, "You cannot get down," and suggesting taking a break was a step in protecting his own health. So, although I'm disappointed that it doesn't appear he will take a break, (rather go nuts alone than stay sane with help), we are in the system so if something comes up and we suddenly do need help, (like if Dad were to get sick or something,) we are set up and ready to go. We just have to call and say, "Please send someone out."

Mom appeared to enjoy meeting the lady. She smiled at her a lot and nodded, sitting at the table with us while the lady typed information into the computer. Her eyes that were previously dull and bored perked right up when she walked in. Mom even situated her chair around the lady's shoulder so she could watch her type, still smiling. You know what a social creature Mom is.....no doubt she's dying of boredom being at home with no social outlet. I guess. Who knows. She sure was perky, though, during the entire visit. And the lady was a hoot who joked around with Mom as if there were nothing at all out of the ordinary going on. That was refreshing.

We'll see how it all works out. But this is the second time Dad and I have knocked heads....the first time was when we put locks on the doors. He ended up thanking me for them, but this time.....he's a hard sell. Always ready to help everyone else, but when it comes to himself...."It's too expensive." Why does he have to be so darn good?